magick musings…

…HUH?

~Sandy

I got stopped for speeding the other day. I thought I could talk my way out of it until the cop looked at my dog in the back seat!

~Sandy

…is a major defense against minor troubles ~ Mignon McLaughlin

There is just not enough laughter in the world!

…We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car…

~Sandy

There will be no nursing home in MY future!

When I get old & feeble, I am going to get on a cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200.00 per day. I have checked on reservations on a cruise ship and I can get a long term discount and senior citizen price of $135.00 a day. That leaves $65.00 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10.00 a day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restuarant or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Curise ships have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and show every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will treat you like a customer and not a patient. An extra $5.00 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. TV broken? Light bulb needs changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem. They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day and you don’t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in a Nursing Home and break a hip, you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship, they will upgrade you for the rest of your life.

And hold on to the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, australia, New Zealand or just name where you want to go?

Cruise lines have a ship ready to go so don’t look for me in a Nursing Home, just call shore to ship!

My husband sent me this…

…is he trying to tell me something?

~Sandy

No, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth! I had a project due at work and it involved doing a presentation. In front of people, in fact. :bugeyes: Not that I am shy or anything :hiding:, but I am not comfortable doing something I am not familiar with. But, this involved standing and speaking in front of the big bosses so I was a nervous wreck! :help:

Afterwards, my boss came into the office and literally ‘applauded’ me! Talk about a rush!

But now, thank the good Lord, I hope to get back to normal. Last week didn’t get home several nights until 8:00pm so maybe this week won’t be so bad!

My son got his MVR in time for court and all is well.

I got my NEC Mobile Pro 790 but have to order a new battery for it. It works with the power cord, BUT…the object of this was to have it MOBILE!

Haven’t had a chance to read ANY blogs for a whole week and am anxious to get back to everyone and see what’s been up.

~Sandy

~Sandy

…the weekend GO!

Can’t believe it is already Sunday night and work looms in the morning.

Not that I don’t love my job, but I believe there should a law allowing 4 day work weeks. It actually takes 3 days of a weekend to get caught up around the house, buy groceries, run errands, and get a little rested. Two is just NOT enough.

Had to miss my chapter’s plotting retreat this weekend. First one I have ever missed! :hissyfit:

Just had WAY to much to do plus wasn’t feeling well. Have a project at work due next Friday and needed to work on it.

Bought a new purse Saturday. A black pebbled Fossil brand. Really cool! I had a purse I needed to exchange that hubby bought for my birthday and when I took it back, realized I was at the wrong store! I had picked up the wrong receipt thinking he bought it at one place but when the lady said they don’t sell that brand, I realized it was for a different store. I was so embarrased. I hope she didn’t think I trying to pull a fast one. Honest mistake. Really. She was very nice about it though.

Watched the season premier of Lost Wednesday. I liked it but am so ready for the story to move forward. Getting a little tired of all the backstories. I think we have a grasp of the characters now. Only, it was weird that the Others seem to know quite a bit about the crash survivors. It was almost like they knew they were coming, but at the beginning of this episode it was evident they didn’t. Don’t want to ruin it for those who haven’t seen it yet.

Worked long and hard this weekend on the project. Wish me luck!

~Sandy

Need a laugh?

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”

The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
**************
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
**************
A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out on the Interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100. Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What in hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift, it’s Friday the 13th, and I don’t want to do any paperwork. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

**************
Q. What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?

A. Rebel without a clue.
*************
Q. What did the blonde say when asked the last two words of the national anthem?

A. Play ball.

Hope you chuckled at a few of those. I did. And needed it.

Son still hasn’t received the overnighted MVR he needs to complete his defensive training and not have the speeding ticket on his record. See previous post for the story. Next time, he will go to Ryan’s Steakhouse and sit for 5-6 hours with a standup comic that will entertain him, feed him, and hand him what he needs.

~Sandy