magick musings…

…hard to write something else, but it is just not in me right now. Any author will tell you that sometimes what flows from their heart in their writings take on a life of their own and you just can’t control it.

Same thing with your blog writings.

I pulled this out again and needed to reprint it only because I needed to hear it, think it, believe it.

Yeah, it’s all about me today, folks. At least, that’s what I am being told.

I. Just. Don’t. Care.

Someone wise and loving told me that the rope that pulls too tight will eventually break. And that person is correct. As usual, I might add. And one by one, the threads are fraying.

I am reprinting this for me today. It is something I need to read and to see and to absorb. Life is hard and that’s okay. It’s what makes who we are and who we become. But if we don’t hang on to the dream of what can be and what we can become, we are lost.

But if you have read this before, don’t feel obligated to read it again.

After all, it’s all about me. And the ones that know different, are the only ones that count.

&#169 Sandy L Jones

Once upon a time…

in a not so far away land, a beautiful princess lived. She and her parents were good and kind and loved by all. The castle flourished and prospered making everyone in the kingdom happy.

Except for the princess.

She had but one dream. She wanted to fly. To soar like a bird in the sapphire sky that reached out and over her beloved land. To feel the warm sun on her face as she skimmed over the country flowers in the spring or the feel the bite of the cold winter wind as it rushed out with snow on its breath.

The King and Queen were horrified. My dear, they both exclaimed, we have given you everything you could possibly want or need. Everyone is happy here and you should be also. Besides, no one can really fly.

She loved her parents and didn’t want to upset them. Her heart heavy, the princess spent many days staring out her ivory tower and watching the cotton candy clouds drift by. She imagined touching them, their softness caressing her and tickling her nose. But she kept these thoughts to herself.

Years passed and one day a knight in shining armor came to visit and took her to his kingdom to live. On the way, he promised that he would give her anything she could ever want. Shyly, she told him of her heart’s desire. She wanted to fly.

The prince was sad. My dear, I can give you jewels and children and all my love. But I can’t make you fly, he replied. No one can really fly.

Over time, the princess became so busy that she didn’t have time to think about her wish. She loved her prince and was happy with her children, but each night, in her dreams, she would take wing and fly beyond the castle towers to the forest that surrounded the stronghold. With a smile, she loved to look down upon the treetops and smell the sweet air billowing up from their branches. But when the sun rose each morning, she told no one.

After all, they said, no one can really fly.

On her 86th birthday, she awoke and felt a difference in the castle. She rushed downstairs to find her family gathered together, their faces brimming with excitement yet only feigned innocence and secret smiles answered her questions. Her prince took her hand and together they made their way out the door and down the path to the sea that touched the coastline. Followed by their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and, eventually, half the kingdom, they stopped at the shore where a boat was waiting.

With a gentle touch, her strongest grandson picked her up and set her in one of the cushioned seats and held her hand while they headed out to sea. A little way out, they stopped. A few adjustments later and her grandson secured behind her, their feet left the safety of the boat. Together, they rose, higher and higher, until the air vibrated with the wind rushing past.

She was flying!

Joy filled her heart as they rose to a greater height. Below, she could see her family, small specks on the ground waving gaily to her. White ripples in the turquoise water glistened in the sun as they passed up and down close to the beach. A clear view of the snow-capped cliffs in the distance showcased their magnificence and her breath caught in her throat. The horizon stretched forever and she marveled at how the world could be so small and yet so big.

All too soon, their feet touched the boat again and the trip ended. But for the princess, she lived happily ever after because she finally got to fly.

This fairy tale is a true one. Even though it took modern technology of parasailing with her grandson to fulfill it, she realized her dream.

I believe that if, like the princess, you hold the dream close to your heart, with perseverance and hard work, you, too, will someday fly.

~Sandy

…when the beast of winter expelled it’s last icy breath before succumbing to a long summer sleep.’

Corny, huh? But not referring to the winter storm that arrived a few days ago and put a few inches of snow on the ground early this morning.

For some weird reason I pulled that out of a file of a story I started years ago. A fantasy children’s story along the same lines of a genre that the Harry Potter series made so popular. Except this was started many years ago. Not to say mine would be as good as JK Rowling, but it makes me mad that I talked myself out of writing it. That no one would read it or would think of it as too far out of the box.

Not the first time I let doubt, confusion, and insecurity screw with my life.

I could have written it. And then revised it. With hard work, made it a publishable story. Writing, you know, is 5% writing and 95% rewriting.

Not that I would know because I am my own worst enemy. I don’t believe in myself and that has to change if I am going to move forward with my writing. So what if the first draft sucks. So what if the second draft sucks, I know it will suck just a little less than the first.

When I shared my dream with someone once, I lamented about what happens if my first book doesn’t sell. Instead of laughing at me, that person looked me directly in the eye and asked what would happen if the second, fifth or even the eighth book DID.

That gave me the spark and impetus to start writing.

I need to find that again. And, this time, work it the Nike way – Just Do It!

My Templar series I started long before the DaVince Code and the others that followed. :wall:

Why do I not go with the ideas that are God given gifts to me? I have noticed that if I don’t follow through with them, then they are given to someone else to proceed with.

Now, I know that the above opening line is hokey, but maybe I can salvage the storyline and run with it. And take my Templars and turn them loose on their quests.

Before someone else does.

Sorry, if I am rambling stoopidly. It’s been a pretty funky year these last few days.

&#169 Sandy L. Jones 2007

~Sandy

…are gusting through my life right now with hurricane force.

Some things I can speak about ~ others I cannot.

I believe I have mentioned that one of my sons is leaving for the marines soon.

Well, ‘soon’ has arrived. Monday, he leaves for Boot Camp in San Diego.

Am I sad? Yes. Am I going to miss him? Absolutely. Worry about him? Constantly.

But there comes a time in life where change is inevitable. Unavoidable. Necessary.

My youngest son has also decided that it is time to spread his wings and will be moving to his own apartment this weekend.

At their age, it is past time for them to be on their own. But, as a mother, I worry about whether they will be okay by themselves. Make the right decisions. Have enough food to eat. Be warm enough. Stay cool in the summer. Be safe.

But, thinking back to my early years on my own, I made it just fine. There were times when there was no food to eat, wrong decisions were made, and I was uncomfortable. But I made it through and so will they.

Now, please remind me of this when I see both of them drive away.

And on top of a new job last year, finishing up my two year president’s term of our RWA chapter, losing our precious little dog, Misty, three weeks ago, my life is drastically changing.

I am actually looking forward to the new journey.

Tonight, our good friends, ‘da Bears’ are coming over to see soon-to-be-a-marine son one last time before he leaves. We will celebrate with Chinese food and wine and fresh chocolate chip cookies. And play games and laugh until our faces hurt. I look forward to this. ‘If we are not going to have a good time, we just are not going to do it.’ as quoted by M. da Bear.

Have a great Saturday!

~Sandy

…I swear I have guardian angels that watch over me. I say that in the plural sense as there is no way only one of them would have the time or patience to minister to my misadventures.

And they must have done something pretty bad in heaven to have the luck to be stuck with me.

Today, on my way home from work, I notice I needed gasoline. It might have been the low fuel light that was the dead giveaway. You know – the little yellow light that starts blinking and dinging and scares you half to death because you can actually hear it over your music that is blaring ever so loudly. The one that means you better get gas – NOW – or else you be walkin’ home. Or worse, have to call your husband and explain why you ran out of gas. 😯 Not a happy thought.

I reached the next intersection and with a big sigh of relief, there was a Chevron station of which I had a gas card. Not that I minded paying cash, but it was dark and not the best part of town so I wanted to jump out, grab some fuel and get out of there. Better to pay at the pump instead of having to walk inside to pay the cashier.

I have bought gas many, many times in my life. And I know how to use a credit card to pay at the pump.

But for some odd reason, when I slipped the card through the little card slot – nothing happened.

Tried again. And a third time.

Nada. Zip.

Now by this time, it is really getting dark and I am alone out there by the pumps with no other cars around. And I figure the bars on the windows and doors of the station must be relevant in a pretty scary way.

So with a quick prayer, I tried one more time and the words ‘Thank you!’ appeared on the little screen.

Thinking I’m good, I proceeded to gas up. No problem, it worked fine.

A full tank later, I put the gas cap back on, hopped back into the Tahoe, and started the ignition.

Before I could put it into drive, a nagging little voice told me to go inside.

Why would I do that? I wondered.

I put the car in gear and edged away from the pumps.

But the little voice kept right on nagging and got louder and louder.

I stopped, thought about it for a moment, and then when the voice was demanding I go inside, I gave up and went.

And the cashier was in the process of calling the police. He said, in broken English, that he thought I was trying to make off without paying.

Me? I have never stolen anything in my life.

He then proceeds to tell me that the card slot on pump is broken. And there wasn’t a sign/note/explanation on it because…?

I decided it wasn’t worth the argument, I just explained that I was just moving the vehicle closer to the station, paid the bill and got the heck out of there.

Must have been my guardian angels on duty tonight again shouting in my head. One day they are going to petition for someone else to take care of, I just know it.

…was torture. Literally twelve hours with the group from Minnesota going over the electronic record program they sold us and we are building to fit our system. Haven’t quite figured out how that works. We pay them money and we do all the work.

There are parts of it I am not happy with and don’t trust.

Hard to believe it if you really know me, but, today, I had no trouble speaking my mind about it as I am partly on the line with it and will have to answer to my supervisor, my boss, my boss’s boss, and his boss. And I don’t even want to think of the food chain above them.

And the worry about allowing something to be put out there in the field that affects an entire system of physician offices and speciality clinics consisting of over 800 employees. If I can’t trust something, how can I teach and train doctors and nurses to use and rely on it?

I am not making it out to seem I have the whole monkey on my back. Far from it. It is a political hot potato that goes all the way to the top. But I work very closely to see that it works with what is needed out there since I have worked in the field for so long and know what works and what doesn’t.

Gaw, can you tell I am tired? Too many ‘works’ in that last sentence and too tired to rephrase it.

But there were several highlights to my day and I will treasure them always. 😉 Makes everything all worth while.

Tomorrow we do a dry run, showing what we have so far to some pretty important people and anxious to see if they agree with me…or the dark side.

~Sandy

…I wished upon a star.

A special wish. A selfish wish. I will give it time to come true. And I have the faith to believe it will.

On to business:

Today I got a glimpse at both of my muses. I have two of them and I blogged about them awhile back here and must have ticked them both off as I haven’t seen them in awhile. They both stuck their heads into the room, tested the waters, so to speak, and spoke. It felt good to see them again. For those of you who do not understand muses, it is a writer thing.

The holidays are over, my term as President to my RWA chapter is done, and, although work is going to be getting very, very busy, I plan on leaving work at work.

This week I am going to be clearing my desk and getting things caught up. I received the most beautiful pure alabaster bookends from a dear, dear person and have already started cleaning out bookshelves. They are globe halves that have a special meaning to me and I will have them within eyesight to give me the motivation I need to chase my dream.

Next I will pull out the WIP’s (Works in Progress) and see exactly where I am and where I need to go. Which one needs the most attention. Figure out what story is speaking to me.

And get back to work.

It will feel so good to be creative again.

~Sandy

…and thanks to M. da Bear for that quote. Not that he reads this blog or even knows how to find it, but thanks anyway.

And, Brenda…don’t you dare. I. Will. Find. You.

We spent all day at the ‘da Bears’ yesterday. And, as usual, had so much fun. Mrs. J. ‘da Bear’ is adorable and so hospitable and fun. She and my youngest son have a thing going where they always try to beat each other at games. I think he won last night. Too many wine coolers for me to remember. M. ‘da Bear’ is just plain wonderful also. They are really and truly fantastic people.

We ate, drank, played games, played in the hot tub ~ and if you have never done the hot tub thing under the clear and starry sky when it is COLD outside, you don’t know what you are missing ~ they had to pry my pruny butt out of it.

Note to self: Exercise said pruny butt.

And then we didn’t get home till 4:30 this morning. Can’t remember the last time I stayed up all night.

Thanks, again, to the ‘da Bears’ who are probably still hibernating this morning.

It’s that time of year again. Where New Year’s resolutions fly through the air. Some to land and become accomplishments and others to fade like fairy dust before hitting the cold, hard ground.

It doesn’t matter if you believe in resolutions or not. Or will have fulfilled even one of them by year’s end. It is a matter of believing in yourself. Then what you need to accomplish will happen. See favorite quote on sidebar.

I hesitate to make any this time because the troll gods of resolutions seem to find a way of sneaking in and ruining everything. But I will work on some goals and make a plan. And see where the journey takes me.

Have any New Year’s thoughts you’d like to share?

~Sandy