~Shakti Gawain
Busy with work and writing so thought I’d play for a minute!
But first, run – don’t walk, don’t linger, don’t hesitate, don’t drink anything while reading it – to Bailey’s blog and read the most hysterical post titled ‘medicine’ that I have ever seen. Guaranteed to have you weep with laughter.
1. “Vacuuming too often will weaken the carpet fibers.” Say this with a
serious face and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
2. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SF factor of 5 and
leave it alone.
3. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply say, “What? And spoil the mood?”
4. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming
you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for
underprivileged children.
5. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room
and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle
the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, “I’d love for you to see
our den but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive.”
6. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place an urn on the coffee
table and insist that, “THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her
ashes…”
7. Don’t bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an
assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you
say, “Johnny did this when he was two. I haven’t had the heart to clean
it…”
8. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng
Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your
eyes when you say this.
9. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the
area under the couch ‘The Galapagos Islands’ and claim an ecological
exemption.
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water
in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the
couch, and sigh, “I clean and I clean and I still don’t get anywhere…”
~Sandy J
