magick musings…

Although I was not born of your blood and your flesh, you have always made it clear that I was born in your heart.

I will always love you!

~Sandy

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Heard your wife left you
How upset you must be
But don’t fret about it
She moved in with me.
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I’ve always wanted to have
Someone to hold
Someone to love
But now that I ‘ve met you
I’ve changed my mind.

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I must admit you brought Religion into my life
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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As the days go by I think of how lucky I am
That you’re not here to ruin it for me.

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Congratulations on your promotion!
Before you go…
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You’ll probably need it again.

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Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!

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When we were together,
you said you’d die for me.
Now that we’ve broken up
I think it’s time you kept your promise.

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We’ve been friends for such a long time,
what do you say we stop?

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Congratulations on your bundle of joy
Did you ever find out who the father is?

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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we’re having you put to sleep.

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Your daughter’s a hooker
And it spoiled your day.
Look on the bright side
It’s really good pay!

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Thanks to Kim J for sharing these with me!

~Sandy

…purchased something that you were sure was a good investment?

Years ago, I decided I needed to start investing. Something that would make me a pretty good return and make me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.

Become debt free. Help me retire. Buy the cabin in the mountains and the cabana by the ocean. Travel the world. Pay for the kids college. Support me in the manner of which I wanted to become accustomed to.

So I set out and did my research.

First, I mentioned this to my once-a-week-front-porch-happy-hour girlfriends. We would meet at a different home each Wednesday and share tidbits of our wisdom, our lives, our interests, and our margaritas. After discussing this with the ‘experts’, I came to the decision of what I needed to focus on.

A very hot and very sought after commodity.

I searched the internet. Consulted expert retail and wholesale suppliers. Bought and read books on the matter. There were even several publications that gave detailed information on what each item was worth on the market. Most were hard, if not impossible, to acquire. But that was no deterrent.

I was informed. I was sure. I was ready.

I started my acquisitons. Visited every establishment that carried or would possibly carry what I wanted. Memorized shipping schedules and stood in long lines to purchase it when it hit the shelves. Won bidding wars on Ebay.

I became an expert as I watched my portfolio grow. This is an ‘investment’ I claimed to my family as they shook their heads in amazement. One day, I will be the one laughing.

My ship would come in.

SPAMMERS!

For two nights this week I have didn’t get home until late. Very late. From work. (Get your mind out of the gutter!!! 😎 ) And have come home to 175 spam emails.

Within. My. Blog.

The kind you have to go to each comment and delete. :wall:

Not to mention my other email address.

Michelle was kind enough last week to do something (far be it for me to understand) on my blog to help keep this from happening, but I believe my address had already been sold to the devil.

A lot of it is in a foreign language. No comprende, you idiot…

Wanting me to have a bigger p*nis or larger br*asts. Don’t have a p*nis and my br*asts are just fine. ‘Course if the word ‘perkier’ were mentioned…

Offering me the option to buy stock. No thanks. I will wait and see how the stock in the obscure company in that remote village does for YOU first…

P*rn*graphy. Ewwww ! I am a nurse. I have seen all kinds of naked bodies. Again…Ewww! And shame on you!

Mr. ‘Whomever’ died and left two million dollars in the bank with no heirs. Email me and I’ll see that you get the money. Yeah, right! After sending YOU money first! Do people really ever fall for this?

Now, I am not trying to compete with Bailey’s Friday Spamarama as she is the Queen of the Spamarama. She does such a funny job with them! But I am just so tired of having to clean my emails…my blog… and now… my language.

A pox on you! And when you finally die and go to hell, I hope you are forced to sit with NO computer and have to hand write in brimstone an ‘I’m sorry’ note to each and every email address you ever sent a spam to. That’ll take you an eternity or two!

Gaw! Have to run so I can clean out the 65 spams I got overnight!

I need coffee…:lovecoffee:

~Sandy

…HUH?

~Sandy

I got stopped for speeding the other day. I thought I could talk my way out of it until the cop looked at my dog in the back seat!

~Sandy

…is a major defense against minor troubles ~ Mignon McLaughlin

There is just not enough laughter in the world!

…We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car…

~Sandy

There will be no nursing home in MY future!

When I get old & feeble, I am going to get on a cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200.00 per day. I have checked on reservations on a cruise ship and I can get a long term discount and senior citizen price of $135.00 a day. That leaves $65.00 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10.00 a day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restuarant or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Curise ships have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and show every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will treat you like a customer and not a patient. An extra $5.00 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. TV broken? Light bulb needs changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem. They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day and you don’t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in a Nursing Home and break a hip, you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship, they will upgrade you for the rest of your life.

And hold on to the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, australia, New Zealand or just name where you want to go?

Cruise lines have a ship ready to go so don’t look for me in a Nursing Home, just call shore to ship!

My husband sent me this…

…is he trying to tell me something?

~Sandy

No, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth! I had a project due at work and it involved doing a presentation. In front of people, in fact. :bugeyes: Not that I am shy or anything :hiding:, but I am not comfortable doing something I am not familiar with. But, this involved standing and speaking in front of the big bosses so I was a nervous wreck! :help:

Afterwards, my boss came into the office and literally ‘applauded’ me! Talk about a rush!

But now, thank the good Lord, I hope to get back to normal. Last week didn’t get home several nights until 8:00pm so maybe this week won’t be so bad!

My son got his MVR in time for court and all is well.

I got my NEC Mobile Pro 790 but have to order a new battery for it. It works with the power cord, BUT…the object of this was to have it MOBILE!

Haven’t had a chance to read ANY blogs for a whole week and am anxious to get back to everyone and see what’s been up.

~Sandy